The Quiet Losses in Divorce: Missing the Ones You Love

Divorce is such a strange thing. It strips away more than just the relationship you thought would last forever. It pulls at the threads of your entire life, leaving gaps where people you loved once stood. I didn’t expect to feel so far removed from people who meant so much to me—not just my ex, but the family and friends who had become part of my world, woven into the fabric of my life.

There are so many times I’ve wanted to reach out—on birthdays, holidays, or just to say “Hey, I miss you.” When I see someone got a new job or had a baby, my heart aches because I should be celebrating with them. I should be sending congratulations, showering them with love, and sharing in their happiness. But I don't. I can’t. Not anymore.

Then there are the hard moments—when they lose someone close to them or face their own struggles. I’ve wanted so badly to reach out and say, “I’m here for you. I love you, and I’m thinking of you.” But it feels like I’m on the outside looking in now. I wonder if my words would even be welcomed, or if my reaching out would just make things worse.

And so, I sit with that longing. I scroll through social media and see their faces, those familiar smiles, and it brings me joy. I’m happy to see them doing well, living their lives, watching their children grow—some of whom have grown so much, I can hardly believe it. But it also stings, knowing that I’m no longer a part of their day-to-day, that I can’t be there for the milestones, the celebrations, or even the quiet moments when they just need someone to listen.

Grief is an odd companion to joy, and I feel them both. I miss them deeply. There’s a hole in my life where they used to be. Not only am I losing one person, but in reality, I am losing so many.

Yet, through it all, I hold on to hope. Hope that one day the distance won’t feel so wide, and that maybe—just maybe—I’ll be able to reconnect. I hope we can find our way back to each other, in whatever form that may take. Until then, I’ll keep them in my thoughts, sending silent love and celebrating their wins from afar.