Loving While Leaving: Reconciling the Heart and Mind

Loving While Leaving: Reconciling the Heart and Mind

In my heart, I still love him. My soon-to-be ex-husband. It’s been over ten years, and love doesn’t just disappear because the paperwork has been filed. I want to honor the vows we made to each other when we stood in front of family and friends, believing we’d grow old together. I still catch myself missing him, but the reasons why feel more elusive now.

And then, there’s my mind. My mind remembers the cruelty of the past year, the coldness, the lack of love, empathy, or compassion. My mind reminds me of the times I’ve felt small, insignificant, competing with his ego—and losing. I find myself wondering, “Did he ever really love me?”

This is the painful reality of reconciling what the heart feels and what the mind knows. In my heart, the love is there, a remnant of the life we built together, the dreams we shared. But my mind knows I’m doing what’s best for me by leaving. My mind knows this is the path forward, even though it’s littered with painful memories and unanswered questions.

It’s a tug-of-war, really. There is so much push and pull in this process. No one tells you how your heart can hold onto love while your mind urges you to let go.

This process of reconciling the heart and mind isn’t easy. It's a journey, one step at a time, learning to honor both feelings without letting them destroy each other. Some days, I wake up feeling strong, knowing I’m making the right choice. Other days, my heart aches, and I wonder if I should’ve fought harder, stayed longer.

But I am learning to trust my mind’s wisdom while giving my heart space to heal. This conflict, this painful dance, is my path toward something better for myself, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us walk this tightrope, balancing the heart’s lingering feelings with the mind’s reality. If you’ve ever found yourself caught in this same tug-of-war, know that it’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to honor both the love you once held and the strength it takes to move forward. We may not have all the answers, but we can trust ourselves to make choices that lead us toward healing, even if it takes time.

Choose love always and do it fiercely,
The Not So Common Gal
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